I saw color...
My life is slowly changing colors..Like the Movie Pleasantville if you've ever seen it.
This is a very personal post. I only write it in hopes to help other women who may be going through what I've been going through, in silence.
Many people may not know this about me, many people might think I'm making this up, but for the past..gosh... I don't know how long now, I've been battling with some sort of "depression". I put it in quotes because I've never been clinically diagnosed, but I knew deep inside something was not right with me. I felt like I had to be winded, I had sudden mood changes, nothing seemed fun, nothing seemed joyous, everything was a chore, a task, an overwhelming task...even grocery shopping became impossible. I couldn't focus, I couldn't concentrate. I wasn't ME. And I wanted to find ME back. I just didn't know how.
I could be happy , don't get me wrong, and I could still smile and laugh, and in public I was real good at putting on a show and happy face, but inside my soul...everything seemed...GRAY
I had never noticed how this completely reflected on my clothing. Until now.
For the past few weeks I've been going through a lifestyle change, if you will. I've been dedicating more time to my family and less time to "work". I've thrown out all the junk food and processed food in the house and I've been eating healthier than ever before, and I've been working out consistently. I'm also on Progesterone pills, per doctors orders, as it seems the root of all my evils is linked to a hormonal unbalance, an estrogen dominance, known as PCOS. So I am also researching and eliminating any foods that may have estrogen in them, such as Soy products. I am slowly eliminating chemicals from my house.
It's a process, there are many things I need to change, but I can honestly say that with the few things I already have changed, I feel sooooo much better. I feel soooo much happier. Proof of this is that I felt the "need" to go shopping for colorful clothes.. I put together a beautiful ensemble with colors I don't think I've worn in over 20 years, but they made me happy.
However I didn't come to a complete realization of my previous state until I got home and placed my new yellow shoes next to my other collection of shoes...Do you see something off here?? Do you see what I see?
I had no color in my wardrobe, no color in my shoes...no color in my life!!!!
This realization makes me sad, yet at the same time I am happy to see it so clearly now. I feel a NEED for color now, color makes me happy. So happy .
Healthy food makes me happy, working out makes me happy, playing boardgames makes me happy.
I haven't been shopping like this in a while. I've never gone to 5 different stores looking for the perfect piece to match a dress or shoes etc. I've never had such a THIRST for color until now.
This is my ensemble that I am so proud of...
Everything from the dress, to the yellow vest, to the purse, to the accessories to the shoes, to get this...even the nail polish!!!
All of it was completely put together by me. For a moment at the store, I was tempted to getting a black vest and that's it. I had the black shoes at home and I would have been done and over with . But luckily, a part of me kept pushing for happiness and color. Luckily, that part of me that had been trapped inside me for years was pushing harder than ever, and this time, my brain "listened"...For the first time in a long time...I saw color.
I feel like the movie Pleasantville, in fact I told my husband yesterday that this movie "perfectly defines" what I've been feeling lately... I feel like I was living my life thinking it was normal, getting things done, going about my business...but in black and white.
What kind of life is that?
I told him that for the first time in many years, I saw color.
This makes me emotional. I am really putting myself out there sharing all this. But if in ANY way I can help someone, it's all worth it.
May you have a wonderful colorful day!
Life is ONE. Life is YOURS. Life is for LIVING.------- Go and LIVE it!
XOXOXO
Stephanie
This is a very personal post. I only write it in hopes to help other women who may be going through what I've been going through, in silence.
Many people may not know this about me, many people might think I'm making this up, but for the past..gosh... I don't know how long now, I've been battling with some sort of "depression". I put it in quotes because I've never been clinically diagnosed, but I knew deep inside something was not right with me. I felt like I had to be winded, I had sudden mood changes, nothing seemed fun, nothing seemed joyous, everything was a chore, a task, an overwhelming task...even grocery shopping became impossible. I couldn't focus, I couldn't concentrate. I wasn't ME. And I wanted to find ME back. I just didn't know how.
I could be happy , don't get me wrong, and I could still smile and laugh, and in public I was real good at putting on a show and happy face, but inside my soul...everything seemed...GRAY
I had never noticed how this completely reflected on my clothing. Until now.
For the past few weeks I've been going through a lifestyle change, if you will. I've been dedicating more time to my family and less time to "work". I've thrown out all the junk food and processed food in the house and I've been eating healthier than ever before, and I've been working out consistently. I'm also on Progesterone pills, per doctors orders, as it seems the root of all my evils is linked to a hormonal unbalance, an estrogen dominance, known as PCOS. So I am also researching and eliminating any foods that may have estrogen in them, such as Soy products. I am slowly eliminating chemicals from my house.
It's a process, there are many things I need to change, but I can honestly say that with the few things I already have changed, I feel sooooo much better. I feel soooo much happier. Proof of this is that I felt the "need" to go shopping for colorful clothes.. I put together a beautiful ensemble with colors I don't think I've worn in over 20 years, but they made me happy.
However I didn't come to a complete realization of my previous state until I got home and placed my new yellow shoes next to my other collection of shoes...Do you see something off here?? Do you see what I see?
I had no color in my wardrobe, no color in my shoes...no color in my life!!!!
This realization makes me sad, yet at the same time I am happy to see it so clearly now. I feel a NEED for color now, color makes me happy. So happy .
Healthy food makes me happy, working out makes me happy, playing boardgames makes me happy.
Life makes me happy.
When I first went to see my doctor , I told him I felt like the " joy had been sucked out of me". The sad thing was that he replied: " I've heard that exact same statement a million times"... In other words, there are SOOOO many women out there feeling the same things and going through the same things. This needs to change.
I haven't been shopping like this in a while. I've never gone to 5 different stores looking for the perfect piece to match a dress or shoes etc. I've never had such a THIRST for color until now.
Everything from the dress, to the yellow vest, to the purse, to the accessories to the shoes, to get this...even the nail polish!!!All of it was completely put together by me. For a moment at the store, I was tempted to getting a black vest and that's it. I had the black shoes at home and I would have been done and over with . But luckily, a part of me kept pushing for happiness and color. Luckily, that part of me that had been trapped inside me for years was pushing harder than ever, and this time, my brain "listened"...For the first time in a long time...I saw color.
I feel like the movie Pleasantville, in fact I told my husband yesterday that this movie "perfectly defines" what I've been feeling lately... I feel like I was living my life thinking it was normal, getting things done, going about my business...but in black and white.
What kind of life is that?
I told him that for the first time in many years, I saw color.
This makes me emotional. I am really putting myself out there sharing all this. But if in ANY way I can help someone, it's all worth it.
May you have a wonderful colorful day!
Life is ONE. Life is YOURS. Life is for LIVING.------- Go and LIVE it!
XOXOXO
Stephanie
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